What If Scott and Ramona Were Adam and Eve?
by Baz The Storyteller
Summary: After getting into a heated argument with Ramona, Scott goes to sleep and has a dream that he and Ramona are Adam and Eve.


WHAT IF SCOTT AND RAMONA WERE ADAM AND EVE?

Scott and Ramona were living together. Scott as we all know is a big slob. He leaves clothes lying all over the house, he never locks the house, never answers the phone, never gets up before 11 O'Clock, never cooks and can't be bothered to find a job. He lost his job at the Vegan restaurant due to showing up late... many, many times. Also for not doing much and hanging out at the back of the restaurant playing his Nintendo 3DS. He expects Ramona to do all the work for him. Ramona of course would not put up with this. Her and Scott argued many times. Ramona told him that she's angry at him for his lazy habits. And Scott is angry at Ramona for... well, for just telling him off. What a baby.

One night, after an argument more heated than usual, Ramona ordered Scott to sleep on sofa. Ramona's voice sounded hurt and Scott for once had some sense in him. "What if I lose Ramona?" he thought as he put a quilt and a pillow on the sofa. "Maybe I should make myself useful and find a job." He also had an alarm clock by the sofa and set it for 8 O'Clock. "I'm gonna get up bright and early and make Ramona breakfast. And then I'll look through the paper for a job." he thought.

That night... at 1.30, Scott was flipping through the channels and came across a commercial for Envy Adams' own brand of perfume "Envy". To Scott's surprise, she looked FANTASTIC. She wore a sexy small dress, high heels and her hair was very big. It covered one eye. She strutted sexilly on the screen, seducing the audience. "Oh man." said Scott. "She looks amazing." Scott started to feel aroused. He knows that Ramona is upstairs sleeping. He decided to reach down and... "No! I must not do it!" he thought. The commercial ended and part 2 of the program the channel was showing came back on. It was a bad re-enactment of Adam and Eve . Which had full of frontal nudity and bad acting. The actors had obvious tan lines and the actoress playing Eve had obvious breast implants. Scott turned the TV off and went to sleep. Scott just couldn't get that image of Envy out of his mind.

Scott had a dream. He was in the Garden of Eden. It was very beautiful and exotic. But to Scott's horror, he was completely naked. He yelped and covered himself. He then looked down and was not happy. He had a very small penis. He was _not_ happy at all. He thinks this is God's way of punishing him for his laziness. He looked across the Garden and saw a very naked Ramona. Of course, he and Ramona were Adam and Eve.

Scott walked to Ramona who was happy to see him. Ramona told Scott this she is also having the same dream as him. Scott suggested that now since they are the first man and woman, they must start having children. Ramona was disgusted as she was still angry from the argument they had earlier and she was not in the mood to have sex with Scott at all. "This is all because I have a small dick, isn't it?" said Scott. "Let's find some food." said Ramona. "Let's see if there is a Pizza Pizza anywhere." said Scott. "Scott, this is The Garden of Eden. There is no Pizza Pizza or any restaurant anywhere." said Ramona. "But this is only a dream. Anything can happen." said Scott. "Well, if we're dreaming about The Garden of Eden, let's do this properly." said Ramona. "Maybe you'll learn something."

So, Scott and Ramona went looking for food. They were looking at some of the apple trees. They noticed the Forbidden Tree. They avoided it of course. They brought a lot of apples and bananas. They sat down and started to eat. Scott looked Ramona. "Well, here we are. Two naked people. All alone. No-one here to see us." He said. Ramona was eating an apple, not listening to him. Scott placed his hand on Ramona's thigh. "You look so sexy naked." said Scott. Ramona was still eating her an apple, not interested in Scott.

Scott started to move his hand up from her thigh to her waist. Ramona was getting annoyed. "Scott. Quit it. I'm eating." she said. Scott moved his hand away and just looked around him. He couldn't take it anymore and immediately grabbed Ramona and started kissing her. "SCOTT!" shouted Ramona as she pushed Scott of her. "I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" she cried. "THE REASON I'M NOT IN THE MOOD IS BECAUSE I'M STILL ANGRY AT YOUR LAZINESS! YOU NEVER MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, YOU NEVER COOK, YOU NEVER CLEAN, YOU NEVER WORK! YOU'RE JUST TYPICAL LAZY SCOTT PILGRIM WHO STILL ACTS LIKE A CHILD!"

Ramona had tears in her eyes. Scott was also upset. "What if I could change all that?" he asked. "Scott, you couldn't even change who you are if someone had a gun pointed at your head!" answered Ramona. "I'll just go for a walk then." said Scott. "Let you cool down for a few minutes." said Scott. "How about a few days." suggested Ramona. Scott stood up and walked away.

Scott walked around the Garden, hurt. This was it. He was going to lose Ramona. He then looked at the Forbidden Tree. With curiosity, he decided to go there. He looked at the tree. The area was very dark and looked dangerous. Scott thought he better walk away. "Hello, Scott." said a female voice.

Scott looked up at the tree and saw what appeared to be a very naked Envy Adams. She looked very sexy. She looked exactly as she did in that commercial. Only without her clothes on. This was really turning Scott on. She climbed down the tree and stood in front of Scott. They looked at each other's bodies. "It's been years since we've since each other naked." said Envy. "Although, your penis was bigger the last time I remember." "You look great." said Scott. He was starting to feel aroused. "I'm still a lot sexier than Ramona." she said. "I heard that you two were having problems." "Yeah." said Scott. He told Envy all about the problems that he and Ramona were having.

"Instead of you and her populating the human race. We don't _we _do it. With my great looks, think how beautiful our babies will be." said Envy as she moved her hand down Scott's chest. Scott put his hands on Envy's hips. He was enjoying this. Envy smiled. She brought Scott onto the ground. Ramona, was not far away and was watching them without them knowing she was there. She couldn't believe it. She ran away in tears.

Envy got on top of Scott. "We are going to have the best sex of all time." she said. "Like we used to." Scott looked up at Envy and saw a snake hanging down from a tree branch behind her. It had Wallace's face on it. "Hey, guy." said the Wallace snake. "Wallace?" said Scott. "You're having the same dream too. Cool." said the Wallace snake. "I'm just here with this guy I met, Trevor." Another snake comes down with Trevor's face on it. "I'm just here to tell you, don't screw Envy, because we all know you love Ramona and Envy will make you life a misery like what she did before." said Wallace. "Piss off, serpent." said Envy. "Ms Adams, I just want to saw that even though I hate you with a vengeance, you have a fantastic body." said Wallace. "Bye, Scott." Wallace and Trevor slithered away.

"Now, where we were?" said Envy. She getting ready to ride Scott until another voice was heard. "Ew, I don't know why you want him back." it was a skunk on the ground with Julie Powers' face on it. "He's lazy, arrogant, full of shit and cheats on every girl he goes out with." Envy lifts up the Julie skunk and says to her "Yeah, well, you stink!". She threw the Julie skunk away.

Envy and Scott were about do it until, "Scott! Scott!" another voice called. It was 2 deers with Stephen Stills and Joseph's faces on them. "Don't do it. Ramona loves you." said the Stephen deer. "I know you're full of flaws, you're lazy, you're not very talented and you're self centred. But I know that deep down, despite of all the arguments, you and Ramona need each other." The Joseph deer looked like he was not bothered. The Stephen deer wanted him to say something. The Joseph deer said to Scott "Yeah, what he said. Don't be fool, Scott." They walked away. An acorn from a tree hit Scott on the head. Scott looked up and saw a squirrel on top of the branch. It had Kim Pine's face on it. She shook her head. Envy picked up the acorn and threw it back at the Kim squirrel. It missed and the Kim squirrel ran away.

Scott and Envy were finally alone. Until 2 cranes appeared. One of the head Knives' face on it and the other had Neil's face on it. Envy was getting annoyed. "I wish I had a gun so I can shoot you all!" she shouted. The Knives crane looked at Scott and said "Scott, you cheated on me, because you felt Ramona was right for you. And now you're going to cheat on Ramona with the girl who made your life a living Hell. Shame on you. I can't believe you Scott. If you wanna be a cheating bastard for the rest of your life, be my guest. Come Neil, let us migrate." The Knives crane flew off. The Neil crane looked at Scott and said "I love her much. She's so hot!". He then flew away.

During those animals appearances, Scott was in deep thought. "Finally, no more stupid animals interrupting us. Let's do it, now!" said Envy. But Scott lifted Envy off him and stood up. "I'm sorry, Envy." he said. "But you did ruin my life. I'm not going to go through that again." He walked away and Envy just stood there staring at him.

Scott walked up to a hill and looked up at the sky. "God? Are you there? I need to talk to you!" he called to the heavens. "Look, I know I'm not the most perfect human being on Earth. I make a lot of mistakes, and I make suggestions that unintentionally hurt others. But I just want to say to you, thank you for creating Ramona. She's the reason I'm so happy to be alive. She's smart, beautiful, strong and great to be with. I know we're having problems right now. It's really because of me. But I'll change. I'll change because of her. I love her so much."

Every animal could hear what Scott was saying. So could Ramona. She was happy Scott said those things about her. She walked up to the hill where Scott was at and she had a big smile on her face. She then wrapped her arms around Scott. "As soon as we wake up, I'm gonna make you breakfast and I'm going to find a job." he said. Ramona then kissed Scott. And then she brought him down on the ground. She got on top of him.

Envy was watching from where she was standing. She had a disgusted look on her face. Julie suddenly appeared in human form. She said to Envy. "We don't we make out?" Envy looked at her and said "Okay." The two of them began to make out. Scott and Ramona were watching from their distance. Scott looked interested. Ramona said to him "Scott." Scott said "Well, this _is_ part of my dream." Ramona pulled Scott's head away to make it face her. Scott and Ramona were going to do it and... the alarm clock rang.

Scott woke up. He lifted up the quilt to look at something. "Oh thank God." he said as he was the right size, if you follow me. He immediately went to the kitchen. He started making a fry up. Ramona walked into the kitchen to see what the noise was. She was surprised to see Scott making breakfast. Ramona ate the breakfast Scott made for her and she liked it. Despite it being little burnt. Scott then started looking for a job in the paper. He found one he liked. It was a shop called "Nostalgia" which was a shop that sold all things from the 80's, 90's and 2000's such as books, comics, magazines, VHS, DVDs, CDs, audio cassettes, video games, toys, gadgets and all things throughout those decades. Scott got a job there and the shop was doing really well.

Ramona was happy that Scott found a job. Not only that, but it was a job that Scott loved very much. Scott also got up out of bed early every morning, he didn't leave his clothes lying on the floor, he cleaned the house when it was dirty, he payed the bills, he would buy groceries and he and Ramona would take turns to make the dinner. Scott and Ramona's relationship was better than ever.

THE END


End file.
